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  • Krista Borgwardt

Sexual patterns in marriage

Updated: Jun 20, 2018

by Krista Borgwardt // June 19, 2018



Do you have patterns in your sex life with your spouse that have been the same for years? Couples sometimes ignore patterns in their sex life, which is likely to result in a lack of sexual intimacy they both desire. Some patterns to be aware of in your sexual life are:


· Initiating and refusing sex

· Time of day

· Types of sexual intimacy

· Foreplay

· Thinking your spouse is sexually the same as when you first met

· Pornograhy


Many couples understand communication is a key element to a healthy marriage. Couples tend to have patterns in the types of conversations they have and topics. The pattern is couples usually ignore, fight and/or feel uncomfortable about sex as a topic leading to avoidance of talking openly about their sex life. Talking about sex honestly and openly is vital to fulfilling sexual intimacy. Along with communicating openly their feelings about sex, such as how it feels when your sex life is being fulfilled completely or neglected.


Some healthy conversation starters for your sex life:


~ How can I say “no” to sex that is gentle for you to hear?

~ What is your favorite way for me to initiate sex?

~ What time of day do you prefer to have sex?

~ Do you notice any patterns in our sex life? What ones work? Which ones do we need to work on?

~ When we first met you enjoyed ___________, do you still enjoy this? You did not like ________, has that changed?

~ Is there an area of our sex life you would like to see changed?


Bring awareness to your current patterns in your marriage. Then, talk about which ones work and which ones need to change. If you have both been trying for awhile to work on your sex life without change consider seeking couples counseling.


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